1.
If you're at a concert and it's too loud.. which is most of
the time.. (that's why they call them "loud" speakers)
simply walk away from the speakers.. and put in your ear plugs.
If you've lost or forgotten them or especially if haven't
ever thought of it before.. , then ask someone for a cigarette
and then walk away before they want to light it - and then,
ask someone else for a cigarette. Then simply break off the
filters and there's your ear plugs. Who knows, you might even
get a nicotine buzz! If you've already bummed too many cigarettes
and folks are gettin' pissed at you for it, then use toilet
paper - but no matter what - SAVE YOUR EARS!
2.
Sell your old gear before you buy new stuff (try e-bay) and
if you just have to have it now, pay for it on credit so that
you get to keep your electricity going.. and keep doing stuff
like.. eating. If you can't afford it and your loved ones
have stopped buying you gear for birthdays & holidays
then wait till you can really afford it. Think of the renting
option too - that way by the time you're onto new gear - you
don't have to sell it.
3.
If you're a touring musician and into getting laid when ever
you can - use a condom, in fact use two.. and if you plan
on never having kids.. do us all a favor and get fixed. If
you never intend to see the person again, be sure to get their
name.. so you can make amends to them later when you do your
inventory.
4.
Don't sleep with the chick in the band, it always leads to
breaking up the band. If you ARE the chick in the band, don't
sleep with anyone in the band unless you're married to them
and only sleep with them.. (that's the really important part..
more than the married thing!) If you're gay, this applies
to you as well, it's best to not sleep with the guys in the
band, unless you're in a committed relationship and you don't
sleep with anyone else or if you all agree to sleep together
in one big massive orgy, but it usually does.. eventually
break up the band. But if you think the band is breaking up
anyway - then go for it.
5. If all else fails, use the musician's referral in
the weekly paper or the Craigslist to get new band members,
(for working musicians, whenever possible,
word of mouth is much better) and be careful.. it
can become an addiction. You know, it's like the personal
ad thing and actually has a lot of similar features to blind
dating. When you speak to musicians on the phone, refrain
from getting into the "upmanship" thing.. about
all the amazing experience you've had and the rock stars you've
met - or worse yet, all the bad experiences you've ever had
in a band, or going on and on about all your musical influences
because you don't have a demo of your music. If possible,
get your music on-line so that you each can hear each other's
music before you spend hours talking about the music business
and how to launch into "star-dumb" &/or which
bands on the radio you're influenced by & why. Otherwise,
you find out later that they can't even play all that well
yet. If this is you.. then be up front about being a beginner
and find other beginners to play with. Remember: being good
comes from putting up with sucking for years.. until you get
good.
6.
Don't hurt yourself or your instrument.. unless of course
if you're a punk rocker and it's part of your act. In that
case, have a cheap guitar that you play in the last song that
you destroy.. not your good guitar. Even Hendrix had the good
sense to do that when he burnt his on stage at the Monte Rey
Pop Festival. If you're a singer, get some training
to save your voice and don't smoke. Smoking for a singer is
like playing piano and smashing your fingers regularly. A
"tip" tip.. If you're a budding guitarist, (or your
girlfriend or wife or husband got you to stop playing your
guitar for a while - until you come to your senses and break
up &/or demand your rights to rock) you can use crazy
glue on your fingertips until your callous get thick.
Remember: you need a thick skin in the music business, in
more ways than one. Seeing the
comedy in situations is a great way to survive all the shit
you have to go through.. every step of the way.
7.
You can have a life and be a professional musician. Contrary
to popular beliefs and VH1 "Behind The Music" episodes..
you don't have to trade one for the other. You can have a
relationship, as long as they support you doing your thing
and you support them doing theirs. It's best if you have a
shared vision of making the music happens.. when you both
are in the band it can make it hard at times - but then you
get to tour together. However this is only good if that's
a good thing. If one person is doing the business end of things
while the other one is the act, make sure the biz person has
some outlet for their creativity other than you and your act.
Also, contrary to popular beliefs, it doesn't make you cool
at all to leave your partner and kids to go touring for months
and months at a time and then sleep with any one who's willing
to while you are on the road. If you tour to purposely
get away from your family... then you have to take a look
at that. Maybe your family can't wait till you get back on
the road and everybody wins. As much as possible, if you like
being around them, take your family with you.. a family that
tours together endures together... just look at the Osbournes.
